yami_no_shugo

Hmm... so good stuff and bad. We'll do good first.
Well Becca came back the 7th which was way exciting. I was very happy about that. And yesterday I went to the Renaissance Festival with my family, Katja, Amie, Shao, and Katie. That was fun too. My mom, sister, brother, Kat, and I got to dress up which made it even more fun. Got to say "hi" to Jerry and Amy which was nice too. Yep, and my mom bought me the neatest ring! It's a Claddah and it's pretty ^_^ Then I came home utterly exhausted and crashed.
So bad news. I got my wisdom teeth and a 12-year molar taken out last Wednesday. It's been hell really. Spent all Thursday morning throwing up and I was on 4-5 different medications. Even now I still have some pain, but I honestly feel like crap. I know it's supposed to last for a while, but when will it stop? I have no appetite most of the time, then at times I'm starving, or I'm nauseous, or hot, or cold, and about every 2 hours or so I just feel exhausted, I wear myself out easily. Since Wed. I've been sleeping in my mom's chair downstairs... now it's not so bad really, but I've lost weight and my appetite's still off. I guess my body isn't handling this well and I really want to stop feeling like crap all the time. Can't even get a good night's sleep. Besides all that Jareth died... probably this morning. I didn't go up to my room last night after I changed out of my ren faire stuff. After that I didn't have the energy, but I had given them enough food the night before incase that happened. If i had gone up, he would still have been alive. I feel bad. He was old. Just a hamster I know, but I still miss him you know? Oh well.
And I have to get my schedule changed for school. I'm not taking AP American History. I don't need it. I HATE social studies and I'm taking 3! Why? I really like science so I should take more of those. So I think I'll pick up AP Chemistry. I know I already paid for the book but it's not a big deal and I like Chemistry and loathe Am. history so it's really pointless... I like Ms. Rossi a whole lot and I thought the class might be worth it just for her, but I'll have her for phychology anyway... and thinking of taking that class and the test just makes me want to puke... it's not going to happen if I have anything to say about it. Becca will probably be mad... we were going to share a couch and stuff, but I just can't. I have no motivation for that class at all. Going now... >.>

Yeah, I am bored enough to actually update... odd, isn't it? I also took one of those LJ quizzes that Becca told me about. All it did for me was tell me that I don't have any friends with LJ accounts... not that I have listed anyway. I'll prolly post it anyway tho cause it amused me.
Anyway, had Westernaires last night, or better known as "Kill Royal Hour" with the boys shooting off their stupid guns and scaring our horses...
So anyway, I rode a horse, Chico (who is being trained but his trainer is an over-confident, annoying bitch who says he's flag trained but guess what, he's not...) so I knew he was scared of the guns (I know, I had him take off with me in a JI class a few months ago...) and I knew he wasn't flag trained... So I was scared (which is sort of a first for me) and I couldn't get him to do anything, he had already taken off with me a couple times, wouldn't go near the flags, kept spooking and being dumb (but he's SO cute it's OK...). So yeah, my instructor made me take a flag (wouldn't even let me warm up without one, just to get Chico used to it) so we had that battle... finally got a flag on him and we trotted halfway around the arena (with my flag closed, i was NOT going to let it blow in the wind) and he took off, so i threw my flag to use both hands to stop him. He almost thought about stopping, slowed down just before speeding off again and I fell... then i went into hysterics with me crying and talking (not that he could understand what i said) to the flag dad/first aid guy because i was scared and frustrated... but I got back on and still couldn't control him so I switched horses (to my embarassment) with a more experienced rider who controlled him really well... anyway, I am sore today and my back and neck hurt like hell. I didn't even land that hard... And I still feel like crying because I couldn't handle him which is embarassing because I know I'm a good rider and I've NEVER been that scared of a horse before (with the exception of Roany, but with good reason since I ended up with 11 stiches afterwards... but even then i felt I could handle it) but this time, I felt like I could not ride, and I was about to cry before I even fell and it makes me mad at myself. ugh! And we have a show on Saturday, and who wants to make a bet that my show horse will be Chico? Crap... still feel like a failure... i was so scared that i actually threw my flag and called my own "halt ho" which seems pathetic to me... and i know other people will tell me not to worry and that it's ok, but it isn't to me, i guess it hurt my pride too much and i don't think anyone will understand that. and it makes me wonder if i am a good rider, i thought so, but after that... and people will say i am, but like they know, no one has seen me ride... i just feel like crap about this
OK, that's out. That's all I have to say... so here is that pathetic/amusing quiz

A Pirate's Life for Me by barrelgoddess
Username
What kind of pirate are you?	SeaAirSpace
Your ship's name?
Your treacherous first mate	pixiefromdixie
The sexy navigator	mmesnape
The trigger-happy gunner	bumwithamuffin
The monosyllabic cook	mmesnape
The cranky helmsman(or woman)	bumwithamuffin
The klutzy lookout	pixiefromdixie
The cute mascot	mmesnape
The poor slob scrubbing the decks	pixiefromdixie
What's the best treasure you ever plunder?	The heart of your sexy navigator
Quiz created with MemeGen!

Take care all
~Samara

So my dear Becca just informed me that I never update my lj. Which is pretty accurate, but there's not a whole lot to say, but I'm bored so here I am.
So... summer's nice... i get to stay up late, like now, and sleep in and stuff. I've been reading a lot and watching movies (two movies I have seen and really enjoyed are "Dance With Me" and "Strictly Ballroom" both dance movies... dork? yes... the last one is cheesy, but takes place in Australia and has a lot of Paso Doble [sp??] and Flamenico [sp??] dancing in it that's way cool)
Speaking of dance, last night (friday night) was my friend Christine's last night there. she's moving to Arizona for school. i'm really going to miss her. we took a lot of the same classes (namely AP stuff) and we both danced, same age, so it was really nice, but now she's leaving! her parents are staying and she'll be going to a year-round school so she should be back in 3 months for a few weeks, so i'll see her then I guess...
So Kim called me today, but i missed it because I left my phone in my room. so i called her back and left a message (want to make sure she's OK, i worry about her) and she called me back later (i missed it again...) and left a short message that sounded... i dunno, slightly distressed or something. i think she needs to talk to me, but i couldn't call her back went to a baby shower today for one of my cousins. it was really nice, especially since i never see her or her sister as they live in california... and i got to talk to other family members. talked to my auntie francie about dance and how on friday todd made her cry. jerk. he felt bad tho, which was why he was so glum at the party that night.
hmm... that's about all i have to say. i have no life really so i just sit around on the computer or in my room reading... >.> but at least i updated! how lame just wasted the time of whoever came to read this... heh. love you all! ^_^;;;
~Samara

Wow, so it's been over 2 months since I posted here... that's kind of sad. I'm sure I had things to say. Guess I was too busy. Anyway, just 3 days left of school!! And two are half days! I am excited about that! It also means being closer to the day Becca comes home (because I've been really depressed and lonely without her, especially with our "tradition" and 4th of July coming up). While we're talking about bad things, I am still trying to get my sites back up... the cats one is coming along, but the anime one is not looking too good... >.> oh well... on the bright side, school's almost out! And dance is good (as always). There is a movie coming out called Hot Ballroom (that i really want to see) about a real dance school in New York that teaches urban kids to dance and then shows how they learn dicipline, etc through it. And on wednesday i get to go for an interview (which will be on tv) about ballroom dancing because i am still "a kid" (as Morris told me) with a couple other "kids"! It should be interesting! Kinda nervous about it tho, but I love dancing so its all good. Besides all that... mm, Kim is doing a whole lot better, so it seems. It's like, all of a sudden, everything fell into place (which is how it should be, she deserves some happiness and security in her life finally!) which makes me happy too. i also got some new books. one is an extremely intersting book about Jack the Ripper (a woman, with some help, actually figured out who it was! guess we can't know for sure, but the evidence is pretty solid... of course he was never caught and died in 1942ish at the age of about 82... creepy...) and another book (now my bible) called How to Spot a Bastard by His Star Sign. like astrology you know? it's hilarious! all men (no matter what their sign) are horrible bastards, as the book tells us and it has "compatibility test" that are so funny! i am extremely amused! also got Little Women cause it's a great book. yep, good stuff. i love books...

So I'm in this odd mood right now, I can't decide if I am happy or depressed. Yeah, I know odd. Well, I went to dance class tonight and it was the 50's Sock "Hoppy" theme thingy, so it was really fun, swing dancing (others too, but that one was big right?) And it was a ton of fun (except dancing a hustle with Tim that hurt my back...) They even got out a hula hoop and Tim rolled it and Micheal took a leap through it and landed in a pile on the floor, but it was hilarious! (Don't worry, he was fine) and there was just a lot of funny stuff going on. I had a really good time ^_^ danced a fun waltz with Todd, a cha cha with Morris. Yeah.
On the way home though I was thinking about school and it kinda makes me feel sick to my stomach. So my over all GPA for high school right now is a 3.9, which had me insanely happy. Now, my two AP classes I already know I could never get A's in, but I have solid B's which is OK with me. Besides that all A's until you come to pre-calc. And here's where I start crying now. I have a C (which is sad because I've ALWAYS gotten A's in math until this year, last semester was a B and this semester will prolly be a C) but that's extremely depressing to me. And what's more, it's not even an honors class, this is normal pre-calc level. And I don't understand shit, which frustrates me, and I go in for help but I'm still not getting anywhere. And this C will bring down my GPA right after I was so proud of myself for a 3.9 and I have to pass pre calc if i want to go into forensic science, it's a requirement, but I just can't seem to get it.
And then there's vaulting. I really liked vaulting, it was hard work, but i enjoyed it and i enjoyed working with the people and trying to get better. then Eric came along and it all went to hell. he doesn't understand that some of us CAN NOT physically do what he asks us to! He has to work us up to it, but no! He put us begininners into the same conditioning "program" as the gold vaulters! and i had enjoyed it so much, but i am so afraid to go back because i can't do that stuff yet. i try and i think i can eventually, but not right now. and then because of my horrible stupid back problems i can't do even as much as i could before and it's really upsetting. i'd really like to go back but i guess i can't. if found something i liked to do with these beautiful sweet horses that i love to death and i can't go because of Eric. you're right, i can't do handstands on a horse yet, i am just learning to do them on the ground, yeah, i can't do 20 pushups and 20 crunches with a 22 pound weight on my back or chest. sorry, i can't just onto something that reaches my hip or do 10 handstand pushups. now, i can do 30 pushups normally and 50 or 60 crunches and there are other things that i CAN do that i can improve on and work my way up, but no. it makes me so mad.
so i hate life. i should just drop out of school, screw that, who needs it. then i can become a dance instructor. dancing seems to be the only joy i get out of life anymore anyway.

It's been a while since I updated. Showcase went well. I got first place in all four freestyles and people really liked the ladies formation. The professional dancer/judge commented my merengue and my waltz made my mom cry! (why, i couldn't tell ya) Anyway, it was really fun but sad because it was Kristi's last professional show and her husband bought lots of roses and everyone threw then on the floor at the end of her dance and she cried and I wanted to cry... I will miss her so much! It was all really fun tho, I can't wait to get the DVD!! The Lakewood studio did a formation thing and it was really funny! With Morris in white and the rest in black and yeah. Some great stuff in there and Fran's tear-away dress ^_~
Besides that, not much going on. I should be doing my crap load of homework right now but I'm not because this sounded like more fun! Umm, I saw Footloose tonight. It was so sad, everyone was sick! But it was still good, it was cute! Eli's song made me cry tho cause it was really sad and he is such a good singer and a wonderful actor and it's his last musical... :( Yeah, it was great tho. And Brittany has the most beautiful voice (I've always thought so but I've never seen her perform like that, she never liked to because she had such bad stage fright and still does, but she did so well) I liked it. And Kat did a great job with her "kid" ^_~ Anyway, that's about it. Back to homework... >.>
~Samara

Hmm, just been a while since I updated so what to say? My last entry was angry, eh? Just to add to that feeling, I was SO incredibly sore for DAYS after that vaulting trip, especially my back. My back hasn't hurt that badly in a long time. Also, AP Euro practice test was utter hell and it turned my brain to mush before i had even finished. Tho we only had 3 essays, not 4... one DBQ and two free responses (which were crap) and scores weren't pretty either from what I hear, oh well!
So dance stuff... I was practicing with Todd (when I was still sore from vaulting 5 days later) and i couldn't do my limbo move in my merengue or my promenade kick in my waltz because i was so sore... Todd forbids me to go to vaulting the week before showcase (lol) And I have to get my outfits ready (I need three) I have my ladies formation outfit complete (nice, including jewelry) i have my waltz dress, but Todd wants LOTS of jewelry for that one (Todd wants, Todd wants...) and then he didn't like my merengue dress (screw him, i like it!) but i have my jewelry (yes Todd, sucks for you, the dress/outfit WILL BE BLUE to match the jewelry...) so interesting. For freestyles i can wear my waltz dress for fox trot and my merengue dress/outfit for swing, rumba, and cha cha. nice i guess. That's the 20th! Not far away! I'm getting nervous and it will all be video taped and yeah... ugh! Oh well, should be fun.
I read one of my best friend's live journals today and it was really depressing. She's having a really hard time right now and has been for almost a year. And I've known her since I was 2 and I love her so much, but she's in Kansas now and it's too far away to really help. Sometimes I think about calling up her mom to make her realize what she's doing to my best friend who knows almost every little thing about me... it hurts me so much to see her like that, I don't know what to do and I know I can't really help and she doesn't really want me to... Kind of hard. I'll have to call her tomorrow.
That's about all right now... not a lot going on. Must go work on homework (you know, Pre-calc to raise my grade back up, yeah?)
~Samara

So today has been shitty... Where do I begin? I didn't finish all of Communist Manifesto (my fault, I know) which ended up being OK because it wasn't really a graded discussion... have to finish it anyway and write a paper on it. Topic? I have NO bloody idea! Have a little over a week to do it tho... on top of all the other crap I have to do of course.
Went to Pre-Calculus today and she had posted grades. Bad news: my grade went down and I failed almost the same quiz twice... that's nice, isn't it? So now I have a 73% in math, which is really upsetting to me since I've never gotten below an A until this school year... I thought I knew what I was doing, obviously not! So I went over it with my teacher, which helped, but I can't make it up or anything so I have to do really really well on the test... great... about ready to hurt myself (not really, but ya know...)
English today we had a little practice AP exam (1 1/2 hours instead of 3, right?) with two multiple choice things (20 questions in all we had to do all in... 25 minutes) then a timed writing in 45 minutes (all three items on Thoreau *gag, puke, enraged screaming*) and yeah, no pressure. Then there is a 3 hour practice exam for AP Euro Saturday (again, no pressure! It's just 80 multiple choice questions, 3 essays, and a DBQ which is like another essay with cited sources...) Heim said he wanted us each to get 50%... not encouraging.
So (long update!) I went to vaulting today... it wasn't pretty. I thought my coach (Matthew)was a Nazi... his older brother (professional vaulter here, been vaulting for at least 15 years to my... 2!) is a slave-driver, makes Matthew into a saint! He has me try to do things there is no possible way I can do. I'm not even bronze level... he seems to think i'm silver? what? So he has me trying to do jumps and what-not. Then he changed our conditioning (keep in mind, I couldn't do all the things Matthew asked me to do, I can do very very little of what Erik asks...) but when I can't do something for Matthew, he'll make me try a few more times, have me work on it, not too much pressure. Erik makes you feel like scum if you can't do something. We have to do handstands on a plank (that's at my hip, we have to jump into a hand stand, get down and do 9 more... yeah, i can't do that yet...) and if we can't do it by march, he'll add 10 more push ups (to our 20 with a freaking 22lbs weight on our back) every time we can't do ten handstands... guess I'll be doing a lot more pushups... i cried when I got home and I feel like crying again now. I can't wait until he leaves. I feel so awful, i really hate it and I can't do all this, i try, but i need more time to get it and i'm really stressed by everything else. to make it worse it was FREEZING cold up on that mountain and wet and muddy and my feet were frozen and my hands, etc. there was snow, and ice, and it was miserable... we couldn't even drive up their long, steep driveway, we had to walk 15 minutes up to the arena...
dance performance in 2 weeks and i have a ladies formation, 2 routines and 4 freestyles...
then we have registration, SATs and college crap that i have to worry about so all around, everything is crap...

So Thursday night I went to the Mercury Cafe with Marissa, Lexy, and Tillie. It was SO much fun! Lexy and Tillie had never danced before so Marissa and I had fun teaching them. Marissa taught me a little bit of Lindy, which was really exciting!! Lexy did the guys part most of the time so when a guy asked her to dance, she had to fumble her way through the girl's part, but it was still fun, right Lexy? I can't wait to go again! I've gone before, but it wasn't as much fun and I didn't really get to dance (tho that's when I learned Charleston [spelling??]) Yeah, we were going to go tonight, but Tillie doesn't feel well, poor girl. Get well soon! Hopefully next week, right? I love dancing!
~Samara

So I got an e~mail from Becca today and it sounds like she's having a really great time! It made my day to finally here from her and to know that she's doing well and having fun. I still miss her of course.
So school's interesting, not much to say, but I have a DBQ in AP Euro tomorrow that I am dreading... hate those things and I'm really bad at them! (Not that I can write anyway)
Hm... Marissa taught me a little lindy today! Made me very happy. I want to learn that. Todd will teach me, I'm sure, after February since we have to concentrate on my routines... right, I have two... Merengue, which I did in August, and a Waltz, which is very interesting, but actually rather hard. Something in my brain isn't clicking with that routine. And then I have four freestyles to worry about... if I can remember them. Um, fox trot, cha cha, swing (maybe?) and rumba. Now that I am in Bronze 1, it's going to be much more difficult. And Marissa has a dance performance the 19th, which I would like to go see!
It's nice, Marissa, Lexy, and I see to be a bit closer now, since Becca left. I think it's a comfort thing, but I'm glad they're there. If they weren't (along with my other friends of course, but I think Marissa and Lexy seem to share the feelings more...) yeah, if they weren't, I don't know what I would do. I really appreciate it, it means a lot to me.
Anyway, that's about it. Sort of long. Too bad I never update my websites with this much!
~Samara

So Becca left for Australia the 13th. I'm really going to miss her (just like Lexy and Marissa). It was so hard to watch her walk away knowing I wouldn't see her for 6 months. I didn't start crying there of course, but close and Marissa looked to be in the same boat. I think it helps knowing that she'll have a lot of fun and get to experience all of these great things and that when she's done, she'll come back. I hope she has fun ^_^ Have to remember to send her birthday present soon so it gets there in time too!
~Samara

Yep, Happy New Year! Hello 2005! Last night was mine and Becca's CATS site's 5th birthday. Pretty amazing. And we get to go see it live in 9 days! Nice!
The other day, my little sister's pet rat died. She's really upset about it, and I understand; she was really attached to it. I wanted to help her and make her feel better, but it's kinda awkward for me. Then when I would talk to her, she would look at me like she was going to bite my head off and always "I'm depressed." It kept bothering me and I talked to my mom about it. She said the reason I get annoyed is because she's so open with how she feels (especially pain) and gets all sorts of attention (tho even my mom admitted that she was a drama queen.) I, on the other hand, hide my emotions. My mom knows I do, and apparently it makes Becca mad that I do it too. I didn't really realize that I did until my mom brought it up. I don't think I even know how to express those emotions anymore, they've been locked up too long I guess. Then I wonder if I feel that much at all (heart of ice, that's me). I show happiness and anger-more anger than I used to, I guess all those "hidden" emotions got to be too much to handle and had to let one out. But really, I never show when I am sad or depressed. I don't like to be sad. Usually I ignore it altogether and find something to do, like read. It seems that I have tried to show sadness to friends, but they, i dunno, ignore it or don't take me seriously. Maybe I just gave up. It's sort of depressing that I feel I have to lock myself up like this. I feel bad for making Becca upset about it tho, but I do open up more to her than all the other people I see every day. This gives me something to think about anyway.
~Samara

Well, hi. I'm new at this whole, livejournal thing, so I guess we will see how it goes ^_^ I got one so my friend and I would have an easier time communicating while she's in Australia. Anyway, I will try to post fairly often, see what's going on in my life (probably nothing interesting tho, I wouldn't expect much). ^_^ Bye for now! Enjoy! (Or something...)
~Samara